Day 95: Guarantee Your Success

“Your ability to discipline yourself to set clear goals, and then to work toward them every day, will do more to guarantee your success than any other single factor.”

Discipline. An often elusive skill ! Goals. Didn’t have any for years ! It’s important to acknowledge that it does take discipline and goals to succeed at most everything in life. There has been no discipline in my life for many years and I really wasn’t committed to anything either. For a time I felt like I was running headlong down a steep hill and couldn’t stop. Life was out of control and with that my weight ballooned out of control because my eating was out of control too. I was often accused of being too controlling and in retrospect that is somewhat true. Because I felt so out of control I grabbed hold of anything I could control and perhaps went a bit too far. In some cases, circumstances dictated my taking and keeping control but in some cases it was overdone. Some may say I’m a little too rigid when it comes to Nutrisystem but it takes more than 95 days to change what is basically a lifetime of poor eating habits. For that reason I choose not to “cheat” or overindulge. For example, a Power Fuel or Smart Carb on Nutrisystem should be 80-120 calories. I see comments in the Nutrisystem group on FB where people make sure they eat something with the max 120 calories, where I try to stay towards the minimum 80 calories. Even though Nutrisystem is NOT a calorie counting program I am committed to staying within the 1400 calorie guideline they’ve laid out for me. Once I’ve lost a significant amount of weight my calorie guideline will be scaled back to 1200, so not maxing my calories now will make that transition a little easier. Who knew you need to eat more if you have a lot of weight to lose ! If you don’t eat enough your body goes into “starvation mode” and refuses to let go of the calories you do take in. My older sister told me that a while back and Nutrisystem reinforced it. It took discipline to get myself back on the treadmill this weekend and once I did it felt great. I still have that moment a few minutes into a workout where I think I can’t do it, but I’m able to get past that and before I know it I’m half way through. The day I don’t have that thought is the day it’s time to move on to a more challenging program ! I have a bunch lined up so I won’t be bored ! Before Nutrisystem I had no goals in life. I can’t say I have a lot of goals now, because I don’t, but at least I have some. Too many goals would overwhelm me, so mine are pretty simple and geared towards self-improvement: lose the weight and improve my physical and financial fitness. They fit together .. I’m watching my weight drop, I’m watching my account balances drop and I’m feeling physically and emotionally stronger every day ! None of this would be happening if I didn’t have a plan for each. A plan that includes commitment, discipline and goals.

I had a sobering experience recently. Someone was getting a lunch delivery in the building and I was walking along behind this individual as she trekked back to her work area with the food. She was a larger woman like me and all I could think was “that is what I looked like from behind for all these years”. It’s not like I didn’t know I had back fat. I knew. It’s not like I didn’t know my hips and butt were huge. I knew it. It’s not like I didn’t know my calves and ankles were like tree trunks. I knew that too. The difference is I didn’t see it with my own eyes. I barely looked at the front of me in the mirror, let alone the back. What you don’t see can’t hurt you, right ? Wrong. I still have a lot of weight to lose, so I still have all of these things to overcome but this realization gave me even more reason to stay committed to Nutrisystem. I want to have a more positive body image and losing weight is my only option to get there. I know there are those who embrace their size and say they are happy but that’s not me. I have been desperately unhappy for a long, long time but I felt powerless to do anything about it. It might work to embrace being large when you’re young, but at some point your body is going to start breaking down because of the stress all that excess weight puts on it. You have to worry about heart disease and diabetes and joint problems. They also say overweight people have a greater risk of cancer because of all the fat packed around your organs. Take it from me – losing the weight is easier when you’re young ! So my point here is I’m living in reality now. My body was telling me it wasn’t healthy. I didn’t like the way I looked nor did I like the way I was feeling. Food made me “happy” but it was killing me at the same time, so I knew it was up to me to change that. No one can do it for you. So I had to commit myself to exercise, daily if possible, and to eating per the Nutrisystem guidelines on a daily basis. There can be no “cheat” days for me. I don’t need that guilt and besides, every cheat day puts your goal weight farther away !! That might be ok if you only need to lose 20 pounds but it will never be ok for me. You’d be surprised how many people are on Nutrisystem to lose 20 pounds ! That just blows my mind !!!

Breakfast today was a 3.6 ounce 150 calorie Canadian style turkey bacon, egg and cheese muffin. A hearty breakfast but zero flavor. I need to figure out a way to jazz up the flavor in this sandwich since I have 5 of them coming in my next order ! Salsa maybe ? I had caramel vanilla cream coffee with it and French vanilla was my 2nd cup. Morning snack was the usual 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. I actually had a Smart Carb with my morning snack for a change ! I bought a big bag of frozen berries (blueberry, blackberry and strawberry) and they are only 90 calories per CUP ! So although blueberries and blackberries are not my favorite thing I’m eating them because I’m trying to get more fruit into my diet. Lunch was a new item for me – a 4 ounce 230 calorie steak and cheese melt. It's a keeper ! I forgot my raw carrots so I just had some cottage cheese (80 calories) with it. My afternoon snack was a 180 calorie Sargento Balanced Breaks. This counts as a Power Fuel and a Smart Carb so it’s an easy portable snack ! Dinner was an 8 ounce 250 calorie chicken stir fry. I threw in the rest of the lemon-garlic riced cauliflower that I cooked yesterday. My evening snack was a 3.4 ounce 190 calorie chocolate brownie sundae. My calories are at about 1363 for the day.

It was 52 degrees when I got to work today so I ended up leaving my winter coat in the car and wearing my hoodie, which is about 3 sizes too big for me now. I guess you know I’m shopping for something new ! Although it was warm it was dreary and rainy but I’ll take that over snow any day. By 11:15 the temp was up to 62, the skies cleared and the sun popped out for a little visit. It clouded back up but the temp made it up past 65 so it was a nice day overall. It’s not dark when I leave for work now either and I’m loving that !

I completed the 32 minute incline workout again tonight and boy, this is the first workout that kicks my butt ! At the very end the incline increases to 9 (10 is max!) so it’s a tough push to the finish ! I made it to the end and I kept my hands off the rails the entire time. It’s amazing how good I felt once it was done ! In my head I know how good exercise makes me feel but it still amazes me. So now I’m a good kind of tired and looking forward to a hot shower and my warm cozy bed. I can guarantee you I will sleep like a baby !