Day 94: I Have The Power

“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” ~Groucho Marx~

You wouldn’t expect such profound words from Groucho Marx, considering his comedic background ! Although these words are attributed to him this is the internet so I don’t necessarily believe he actually said it. Regardless, it’s a great philosophy. Yesterday is over and tomorrow isn’t here but there is a difference between the two - I can’t change what happened yesterday but I have some say in what tomorrow will bring ! I also have control over today and considering I woke up to blue skies and sunshine there was no reason to believe it would be anything other than a wonderful day ! I don’t know about you, but the weather often has a profound effect on my mood. Sunshine just lifts my heart ! My stomach ache was gone too, so that was a plus !

I lost 1.5 pounds this week, for a total of 44 ! That helped my mood too !

This morning I went online to schedule a couple of bill payments and check on the ones that auto pay. Although I no longer have financial difficulties I still get a knot in my stomach and feel a bit of dread when I log in to my bank account. It has gotten better with time and the feeling doesn’t last long, but it is still there. This is another trigger to bad memories. Maybe if I logged in every day it would get better, I don’t know. Some days I wonder how I managed to juggle it all for so many years. My ability to keep the bills paid was about the only thing about me that ever impressed Alex. I don’t think he cared (or realized) that I did it by going without and relying on multiple credit cards. I spent many sleepless nights worrying about how to make ends meet. I wore the same clothes for years. They had to be threadbare before I’d buy anything new and even then I looked for the cheapest things I could find. My footwear consisted of cheap sneakers and they always came from Walmart, one pair at a time. Needless to say, thanks to the fire all of that old clothing is gone. I probably wore some of those clothes for 10 years. Although things have improved I still don’t spend a lot on clothes, because that’s just not me. I do have a closet full of Skechers footwear, which are “expensive” to me, but I love them. I started wearing them when I broke my wrist because I couldn’t tie sneakers and needed something that would slip on. Once I lose enough weight I plan to get back into other types of footwear, including heels ! Most of my clothing comes from Avenue or Boscov’s right now. Both have stores in New Hartford and I can also shop online. Avenue can be a little pricey but they have good sales ! Same goes for Boscov’s. I will need to buy some clothes soon as what I have is starting to get a little baggy, but I’ll hold off as long as possible because I will just end up with baggy clothes again ! Needless to say, once I was done fiddling around with the bills I came away happy because I didn’t have to juggle anything and I no longer live paycheck to paycheck. It feels good after so many years of struggle. I actually went to Walmart early this afternoon with a long list and it felt good to pick up everything on the list without worrying about cost. It was time to stock up on snacks and veggies for the week ahead, along with laundry items and health and beauty aids. I haven’t become a hoarder but it feels good to have a spare or two of everything that I use on a daily basis. The best part about my shopping trip was it was warm enough to be out without a coat AND I had the sunroof open on the car ! Love, love, loved that !

Breakfast today was a 2.8 ounce 160 calorie package of pancakes. I had them with peanut butter for my power fuel (about 100 calories). Who knew that frozen pancakes from the toaster could be so good ! I had a cup of Green Mountain Breakfast Blend coffee with them. I never got around to a second cup of coffee. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. I had a 90 calorie veggie cake for my smart carb. Lunch was a 3.7 ounce 200 calorie grilled chicken sandwich. I dressed it with some Walden Farms zero calorie ranch dressing mixed with buffalo wing sauce. Delicious ! I also picked up some “Skinny Girl” dressings to try. I got the ranch and a roasted garlic vinaigrette. They have 10 calories per 2 tablespoon serving so I can’t wait to try them. I’d like to eat more salad so zero calorie or 10 calorie dressing is a great find ! I do like the “Simply 60” that I have but at 60 calories in 2 tablespoons I have to use it sparingly. My afternoon snack was a Sargento colby jack cheese stick (80 calories) and some peaches (90 calories). Dinner was an 8 ounce 210 calorie homestyle beef and vegetables entree. It’s like beef stew. I served it over some riced cauliflower that had been seasoned with lemon and garlic. I absolutely hate cauliflower but I can eat the riced version with an entree. My evening snack was a 1.8 ounce 170 calorie cinnamon coffee cake. My calories for the day are at about 1300, which is good.

I’m sad to see this weekend come to a close because I truly enjoyed every minute of it ! I did have a bit of a stomach ache last night but that was gone by the time I woke up. I’m pretty tired right now but it’s the kind of tired that says “you kicked ass today !” Next up is a hot shower and a warm cozy bed !