Day 93: Know Your Worth

“If you have a hard time believing in yourself, remember who you were before the world taught you to doubt yourself. Don’t see yourself through the eyes of those who didn’t see value in you. Know your worth even if they didn’t.”
~Tee R.~

Yesterday’s note was pretty uninspired. It was late and I was tired after a long day so the creative juices were not flowing ! Today is a fresh new day and with my cold pretty much gone I am looking forward to getting back on track !

I’ve always had a hard time believing in myself. I think we all tend to be our own biggest critic but not only am I a critic, I also find it hard to give myself credit for any achievement. I also tend to be pretty sensitive. A remark (that I took to be negative) was made to me about my latest profile photo and it’s all I can think about. Sad thing is, it’s something I didn’t notice. What’s wrong here is instead of focusing on all of the nice comments people made I am fixated on the one negative, which I’m sure was not meant to be mean. So I need to work on that. I need to focus on the positives and ignore the negatives. I did leave my photo in place instead of using a photo editor to “fix” the item that was pointed out to me. It’s taken me a very long time to be comfortable taking photo’s of myself, let alone post them online. I don’t know why someone would take the time to point out something so trivial. The bible says “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” In other words, make sure you are perfect before telling me I’m not. I’m determined to believe in myself. I’m also determined to see myself through my own eyes, because I know I have value. If I didn’t think I was worth it I wouldn’t have invested the time and money required to be successful with Nutrisystem. So I think I see my worth. That negative comment is just another example of things that can trigger the bad memories of the past. I won’t let it stop me because I still have a long way to go and I have no reason to believe I won’t be successful. I know that reaching my goal weight will be hard, but every pound I lose brings me closer to it. I continue to be inspired by stories of success I see in the Nutrisystem group, stories of people (some much older than me!) losing 100+ pounds ! So I know it can be done and I’m willing to put in the time and effort it requires to get there.

Breakfast today was a 2.5 ounce 160 calorie package of buttermilk waffles. I spread them with peanut butter for my power fuel, which added about 120 calories since I used a bit more than a tablespoon. A power fuel can be up to 120 calories so I’m not worried about that. I had a cup of french vanilla coffee with them and a cup a triple chocolate a bit later. My morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. I had a 90 calorie veggie cake for my smart carb. I was starving so that shake and veggie cake didn’t last long ! Lunch was a 4 ounce 240 calorie hamburger. I put a little bit of barbecue sauce on it in lieu of ketchup and also some broccoli slaw that has been languishing in the fridge. It’s a blend of shredded broccoli, green cabbage, carrots and red cabbage. I also had a bowl of this with a tablespoon of Simply 60 dressing, which adds 35 calories. I also had a few raw carrots. My afternoon snack was 3 wedges of Laughing Cow cheese (90 calories) and Good Thins crackers (90 calories). Dinner was a 10 ounce 250 calorie chicken enchilada meal. This is the one with the disintegrating tortilla so I just stir it up and call it mexican casserole. It has great flavor so it’s all good. I had the last of my roasted veggies with it. My evening snack was going to be a red velvet cupcake but I opted to put that back in the freezer and grab something non-frozen I can have later.

I got back on the treadmill today ! I decided to challenge myself with an incline workout and it did not disappoint ! I chose a 20 minute program but I was only able to complete 12.5 minutes. The incline went from 2 to 10 (max) pretty quickly and you’re supposed to keep your hands off the rails the whole time. By 12 minutes I was holding on and at 12.5 I was getting winded and decided it was best to stop. I have to remember I’m not 20 years old, I’m still pretty heavy and I haven’t exercised since March 24 ! My goal will be to complete those 20 minutes eventually. I’m a little disappointed I couldn’t finish it today but nothing worth accomplishing is easy ! I also need to remember I am still coughing, so I’m not 100% over my cold. See what I mean about being hard on myself ? I should be celebrating the 12.5 minutes I did instead of lamenting the 7.5 I didn’t ! I need to think back to 2017 when I started using the treadmill and working towards 90 minutes a day - which I did achieve in a relatively short period of time. I know I can do this ! I went back and looked at the selection of workouts I had chosen and realized this particular workout has the most incline, so I was not really starting at a “beginner” level. I reviewed the workouts I had in my library and chose a new one with the lowest incline to get started with. If I find it is not challenging enough I will keep moving up through the levels until I reach one that does challenge me. I did try the 2nd workout after dinner but I had to stop a little over 9 minutes in as I wasn’t feeling well. I have a bit of a stomach ache so I may have overdone the veggies today. But I think the new workout will be a good fit so I’m looking forward to giving it another try tomorrow !

I went out to get my mail this morning (they don’t home deliver in the village of Mexico, so I’m forced to have a free PO box and pick it up myself) and it was damp and chilly. Temp was about 42 when I went out, which is an improvement, but I hate these wet gloomy days. It ended up warming up to 50 and by 5 pm the sun was out ! Tomorrow we’re supposed to see 60 degrees so I’m planning a trip to Walmart so I can get out and enjoy the day.

Hopefully a hot shower and a good night’s sleep will be enough to get me back to feeling better. I’ve had stomach aches before, usually as a result of eating too many raw veggies, so I’m sure that is what this is. I don’t feel sick at all, just a bit uncomfortable.